Figuring it out

Our life was different, VERY different. We went from being a couple with no kids, to a family of 4 with an 8 year old and a 6 year old. I am pretty sure I didn't sleep the first night they were in our home. I was filled with excitement, and slight disbelief that I wasn't actually dreaming. I had waited SO long to be a mother. I had had so many professionals tell me it wasn't a possibility and had spent many sleepless nights longing for an answer. This night was not too different. I spent most of the night awake checking on them, praying for an answer on how to function with them in my home and to give me the strength to be who they needed me to be.

Tuesday morning came and I had a list of things that needed to be done. I had to register the girls for school, go shopping for underwear and supplies (we were planning for a baby, not two children) and to get appointments made with the pediatrician. The girls stayed quietly in their room waiting for me to come out and start the day. While doing hair and getting ready, my RISE worker Shauni called and her first question was "so, do you have two little girls in your home this morning?!" I laughed and told her I did and filled her in on my plan for the day. We set up a time for her to come later in the week and I told her I would let her know as soon as I heard from a case manager.

We went down to the school, got them registered and were told they could start the next day. We left from there and went to Target and Walmart to get the things we needed to get them ready. I received a phone call later that day from Tamara, their DCS case manager asking to speak with Hilary. She was wanting to know her relationship with her dad Greg who lived in California, the last time she saw him and how she would feel about living with him. Hilary gave her answers and then said something about not wanting to live with Bridget. When she hung up the phone I asked who Bridget was. She told me she was her mom's friend that they used to live with and she was mean! We moved on from the conversation and began to go through clothes that I had collected before knowing what kids we would be caring for. The girls had a blast putting on a fashion show for me and I was starting to see the real them emerge from the fearful them.

The girls started school and a couple weeks later I received a phone call from the new "long term" case manager Nicole Valenzuela. She said she needed to schedule a time to come out to my home and meet the girls. She then told me that she was glad the girls were in school but to not get too comfortable because they were still investigating other options to reunite the 4 kids together. She said she would talk with me more about it when she came out to visit. My heart sank as I started to feel like I was going to lose these two sweet girls already! Nicole came to my home a few days later and began to clue me in a little more on the situation. She said the case was further along than I knew and they were trying to find a more permanent placement for all 4 kids to be together. I looked at her and asked why the siblings couldn't just join the girls in my home. Nicole stared at me for what felt like minutes and said "well, nobody ever asks that...are you serious?" That was a shock to me because the first priority for me would be to keep the kids together, no matter how uncomfortable the situation may feel to me as an adult. I told her I was serious and would love for them to come here, and she assured me she would look into it. She told me to contact my licensing agency and see if there was anything I would have to do for my license to make that happen. As a new foster family, we were only licensed to take in 2 kids at a time, but I knew the only exceptions that were made were for sibling groups and kinship (if the placement was someone you knew).

That afternoon I got on the phone with Shauni and told her what was going on. She said she would connect with Nicole and get the details but would start working on the amendment if it was something DCS was willing to do. Now for the problem...we only had one vehicle and it only held 5 passengers...in order to take in the other two kids we had to have a vehicle that would hold every person in the home. CAR SHOPPING!!!! Jimmy works at Whitton as their fleet manager so he was able to call up one of his contacts at the GMC dealership and work out something that we could do to solve our problem. On September 10th we traded in our Equinox and drove home in our Acadia! The next day our amendment was submitted and it was time to wait!

In the waiting process, I was able to get more details about the kids and their situation. I learned that they had officially been in the care of the state since May of that year due to domestic violence and substance abuse by mother and the two younger siblings' father. They were placed in an in-home family preservation plan and were allowed to live with their maternal grandmother. Rules were set in place and their mother was allowed to live with them, but was under NO circumstances allowed to be left unsupervised with them. At some point between May and August, they were at home swimming with mom and their younger sister Hayden fell into the pool and nearly drowned. When the police were called, mom was the only adult at home. This immediately alerted DCS and after investigation was completed, the children were pulled and placed into out of home care. They were unable to find a placement for them together so the girls came to me, the sister went to a family in Casa Grande and Christopher (their 8 month old brother) went to a family in Glendale. My heart broke for these kids as the comment from Hilary about only staying for two weeks was becoming more of a joke to me than it had when I first heard it.

Time went on and we were working through some emotions with the girls, helping them adjust to our home and our rules. We finally got our amendment back at the beginning of October and started the process to get the correct approval from the judge to move the siblings. I got a visit from the GAL (Guardian ad Litem) social worker who needed to see the kids before court. She asked me a few questions about how the girls were doing and then asked a loaded question. She said "Now, are you and your husband willing to adopt these girls?" WHAT?! I was taken back, I had only known these girls for 6 weeks, they were just starting to really remember my name, Jimmy's name and where the bathroom was in our house! And already I was having to decide if I was willing to keep them FOREVER!? I smiled and disbelievingly said, "well, if that is where the case is headed then, yes" She typed for a minute on her computer, talked to each of the girls alone, took a picture of them and left. I quickly emailed the GAL, LaurieAnn Perla, and told her how taken back I was by the visit. She called me the next day after court and apologized for not briefing me beforehand about the progress of the case. She reiterated that it was further along than anyone understood and mom had been involved with DCS a few times before for the same type of charges. She said that this case WAS moving to severance and adoption, it was just a matter of how we were going to get there. She said that as long as we were willing to stick it out, we would be first on the list. She informed me that the grandmother had been blacklisted and would NEVER be considered as a permanent placement. She explained that when DCS gives you a chance and you mess it up like she did, you do NOT get another one. She said she had heard we were willing to take in the siblings and couldn't be happier about that reunification! She assured me that she would keep me in the loop and be the first to talk to me about any changes that were coming before I got broadsided with loaded questions again!

October was half way over and I was making preparations for Halloween. Not knowing if the other kids would be here or not, I was putting it off as long as I could. On October 15th, I got a call from Nicole saying approval had been given to move Christopher and Hayden to our home but she needed to check with the other foster families to see what day worked for both of them to pick the kids up. In my mind I thought, JUST GO GET THEM!!! DON'T GIVE THEM A CHOICE! But I quickly calmed down and realized that I would appreciate the heads up if the roles had been reversed. She called me back later that day to let me know she would be picking both kids up the morning of October 21st and be bringing them to my home. We had talked with the girls about the possibility and told them that we knew FOR SURE now that they were coming to live with us, but were keeping the actual date a surprise!

The life changers

Alot has happened in my life, in our lives and I don't even feel like I am the same person I was when I was blogging before.

In 2013 we were told that the chance of ever having a biological family was slim to none. Almost that would take a miracle for it to happen at all. It was a hard pill to swallow but we knew that Heavenly Father must have another plan for us because we both knew in our hearts that there were children out there that were meant to be ours. After taking some time to look at all of our options, we kept an open mind to adoption and the possibility of a donor of some sort. All processes were so intimidating as they were all so time consuming and costly!! In the fall of 2013, my sister in law took in a 9 year old foster girl and opened our eyes to a whole world we knew so little about. Watching her work through all of the struggles and new aspects of life as a foster parent, we decided it was something we should look into. We met with the intake coordinator at RISE family services in April of 2014 and started the process to become foster parents in May of 2014.

We worked hard over the summer to prepare our home and our hearts for the adventure ahead. We had many discussions as to what we were open to and what we thought we could handle. We decided that we were willing to take a child from 0-8 years old, boy or girl and we were open to taking in a sibling group. We completed our training classes and were officially licensed as a foster family on August 22nd 2014. The weekend was the longest weekend of our lives as we waited to be placed on the "open beds list" Monday morning.

Monday, August 25th, rolled around and I left for work early in the morning anxious for 8am to roll around when my phone would start ringing! At 8:30 am I received the first phone call. Unfortunately I missed the call and had to call them back. The woman on the other end told me she had a sibling group of 4 that needed placement, however the 9 month old and the 2 year old had already been placed. My heart sank as I realized that I was too late. She told me she still had the older sisters to place, an 8 year old girl and a 6 year old girl. The thought of it intimidated me to no description. But, with the training I had received I knew that just because I said I was willing didn't mean that DCS would choose me to take the girls. I hesitantly told her we would be willing and she told me to keep my phone close and wait for another call. At 10:30 that morning I received the second call, we had been placed with the two sisters and I would receive another call from the case manager to set up a drop off time. My heart dropped as a realized that in less than 24 hours I was going to have 2 little girls in my care. I called Jimmy with apprehension and excitement to tell him the news. He immediately started to cry, nerves, excitement and anxiety filled the air. We knew we were ready for this but were so nervous at the same time.

All day long I waited for my phone to ring to tell me to leave work, but no call came. I got home and made sure everything was ready, although was losing hope that they were coming. I contacted my RISE agent and she told me that if I didn't hear anything by the end of the night to let her know and she would place us on the list again on Tuesday. The high I had been feeling was slowly fading as I was realizing it may have been too good to be true. We went on with our night as normal and had some friends over to eat dinner and swim. At 8:00 pm, while in the pool, my phone rang! I answered in slight disbelief, but was excited to hear on the other end that the girls were in the car and on their way! The transport agent told me their names, Hilary and Haylee, and told me they were tired and hungry. Again, the pounding of my heart began as I quickly gathered my thoughts and decided what to do next. Our friends were filled with joy for us and told us to let them know what happened as they gathered their kids and left.

About an hour later, another call came in, letting us know they were still on their way but Haylee was complaining of itchy legs. The transport agent wanted to make sure we had some sort of cream or benadryl to help with that. My first clue that I wasn't as prepared as I thought I was! We quickly ran to the corner to grab some supplies and pulled back into the driveway just in time. A small white sedan pulled up to the front of our house and an older woman stepped out of the drivers seat. Next, the back door opens and a cute, small blonde girl steps out looking worried and apprehensive about coming up to us. Her sister slowly followed behind her, dark hair, missing front teeth. Her eyes were moving quickly as she took in the scene and spotted us, waiting with a smile near the front door. Immediately my heart leaped, an automatic love for these two sweet girls was emerging from inside of me. I held my stance and waited for them approach me. We offered to help them with their stuff but they carefully and kindly denied. They followed Jimmy into the house as he offered to show them where they would be staying. I stayed behind a little to get the necessary information form their transporter and sign the necessary paperwork. I could hear them laughing inside as they toured our home. My heart swelled with an overwhelming love for them and my sweet husband as I listened to their laughter. Information was exchanged and the transporter left, leaving us alone with these two helpless little girls.

The first words out of Hilary's mouth were "I only packed enough clothes for two weeks, because I am only staying here for 2 weeks! Then I am going home to my grandma's house."  I smiled and told her that was great and asked if she would like me to help her unpack. She accepted and asked if she could have something to eat. I asked them what they would like to eat and Haylee excitedly answered that she would like "BASKETTI AND MUSHROOMS!!" an odd request from a 6 year old, but I gladly obliged. While I cooked up some quick dinner, the girls bathed and came out to eat. I had taken the next day off of work and played the rest of the night off mellow. The girls finished their dinner and fell asleep watching a movie together in their bedroom. As I turned off their TV and tucked them in, I smiled, knowing my life had forever changed because of those sweet girls.